How miscommunication happens (and how to avoid it) - Katherine Hampsten

Have you ever talked with a friend

about a problem only to realize ¶

that he just doesn't seem to grasp

why the issue is so important to you?

Have you ever presented an idea to

a group and it's met with utter confusion?

Or maybe you've been in an argument

when the other person suddenly accuses you

of not listening

to what they're saying at all?

What's going on here?

The answer is miscommunication,

and in some form or another,

we've all experienced it.

It can lead to confusion,

animosity,

misunderstanding,

or even crashing a multimillion

dollar probe into the surface of Mars.

The fact is even when face-to-face

with another person,

in the very same room,

and speaking the same language,

human communication is incredibly complex.

But the good news is

that a basic understanding

of what happens when we communicate

can help us prevent miscommunication.

For decades, researchers have asked,

"What happens when we communicate?"

One interpretation,

called the transmission model,

views communication as a message that

moves directly from one person to another,

similar to someone tossing a ball

and walking away.

But in reality,

this simplistic model doesn't account

for communication's complexity.

Enter the transactional model,

which acknowledges the many

added challenges of communicating.

With this model, it's more accurate

to think of communication between people

as a game of catch.

As we communicate our message,

we receive feedback from the other party.

Through the transaction,

we create meaning together.

But from this exchange,

further complications arise.

It's not like the Star Trek universe,

where some characters

can Vulcan mind meld,

fully sharing thoughts and feelings.

As humans, we can't help but send

and receive messages

through our own subjective lenses.

When communicating, one person expresses

her interpretation of a message,

and the person she's communicating with

hears his own interpretation

of that message.

Our perceptual filters continually shift

meanings and interpretations.

Remember that game of catch?

Imagine it with a lump of clay.

As each person touches it,

they shape it to fit

their own unique perceptions

based on any number of variables,

like knowledge or past experience,

age, race, gender,

ethnicity, religion, or family background.

Simultaneously, every person interprets

the message they receive

based on their relationship

with the other person,

and their unique understanding

of the semantics and connotations

of the exact words being used.

They could also be distracted

by other stimuli,

such as traffic

or a growling stomach.

Even emotion might cloud

their understanding,

and by adding more people

into a conversation,

each with their own subjectivities,

the complexity of communication

grows exponentially.

So as the lump of clay goes back and forth

from one person to another,

reworked, reshaped, and always changing,

it's no wonder our messages sometimes

turn into a mush of miscommunication.

But, luckily, there are some

simple practices

that can help us all navigate our daily

interactions for better communication.

One:

recognize that passive hearing

and active listening are not the same.

Engage actively with the verbal

and nonverbal feedback of others,

and adjust your message to faciliate

greater understanding.

Two:

listen with your eyes and ears,

as well as with your gut.

Remember that communication

is more than just words.

Three:

take time to understand as you try

to be understood.

In the rush to express ourselves,

it's easy to forget that communication

is a two-way street.

Be open to what

the other person might say.

And finally, four:

Be aware of your personal

perceptual filters.

Elements of your experience,

including your culture,

community, and family,

influence how you see the world.

Say, "This is how I see the problem,

but how do you see it?"

Don't assume that your perception

is the objective truth.

That'll help you work toward sharing

a dialogue with others

to reach a common understanding together.