I've been meaning to have a little chat with you about
confidence: what it is, how to get more of it.
Because more confidence when you're learning
a language means that you get to use it more
and this has an incredible snowballing effect.
The more that you use it, the more that you learn
and more comfortable you become.
And that allows you to try more things, meet more
people, experience different situations in that language.
Confidence in ourselves is really powerful.
and as soon as we notice that change,
it becomes really empowering. We prove to ourselves
that something's possible and we get inspired by that
and we go out again and we try another time and we go
There are two types of confidence,
the type that everyone else sees
and then there's self-confidence which is
And they're different but they're very closely connected.
I really believe that confidence is a skill that you can
learn you know. You can create more confidence
So today I want to chat about building confidence
to allow us to become more confident
Over the past few years, I've been on my own journey
I'm still on that journey by the way, but I wanted to share
some of the things that I've learned along the way
and you know, the things that I've tried,
some of the things that have helped me to become
a little bolder and a little braver.
It really wasn't that long ago that I would have
laughed in your face if you told me that I would
own my own online business and that I'd have a
team of people working for me.
I just wouldn't have believed you at all.
And if you had of told me that I'd have
a Youtube channel and I would produce videos
that got sent out to the world every week,
I would be rolling on the floor laughing.
I just would have said "There is no way."
And yet we have this ability to surprise ourselves,
and that's what I want you to tap into.
Everything that I'm talking about today is coming from a
female perspective, from my perspective.
But as women, I think we face a unique set of
self-confidence issues about our image,
and about feeling guilty if we put ourselves first.
But finding a way around these feelings, it really is the
key to building more confidence in creating
Women and men tend to have a different relationship
I think women generally have less confidence
Women tend to spend a little more time throughout life
and maybe that equalises things later on.
But men tend to develop more confidence earlier in life
and maybe as a consequence of that,
they don't work as intensively as women do
throughout their lives to get more confidence.
And this idea, it really resonates with me because I was
reserved and unsure and full of self-doubt when I was
younger, worried of what people would think of me,
you know, worried about my lack of experience.
And I wonder if any of the women watching
you know resonates with that. Does that sound familiar?
Does it sound like a story that's similar to yours?
So many of my students tell me
that they are shy, that they're introverted
but what I really want to make clear now is that
that may be you right now but it won't always be you.
If you lack the confidence to use English or
the confidence to speak with other people in English,
building more self-confidence is essential
not just to become a better English user but also to
develop and achieve some of those bigger ambitions
Now I really, really wish that this video was called
'Three simple steps to become confident.'
But there are a number of things that you can do to help
and allow you to become a more confident person.
And we're going to start with mindset.
the things that you say to yourself
are completely in your control.
They're one of the only things that are.
We have the ability to be mean and critical of ourselves.
We also have the ability to be kind
and to be supportive of ourselves.
Now let's talk about something that I know
You say this or you think this to yourself
And guess what? You start believing it,
And I know it might sound silly
but the messages that we tell ourselves,
they're the ones that tend to stick.
"My English is a work in progress"
"I know my English isn't perfect,
And "I'm excited about the progress that I'm making."
See how we just shifted those thoughts?
Shifted them to become a little more positive.
If you catch yourself thinking or saying something
negative about your English, try to stop it,
be a little bit more generous to yourself.
confidence grows as we become more competent.
Now when you're competent, it means that you have
to do something successfully or do it well.
So as you become better at something,
as you become more able to do it,
your confidence grows and that makes sense, right?
Especially when it comes to learning a language.
There is definitely a whole period of time where you just
don't have the skills that you need to communicate
successfully. So how do you become more competent?
You experience and then you mess up
This is exactly how you build competence.
You've got to put in the time, you've got to be
You have to keep showing up and keep doing it.
This is why I really love doing the Lingoda Marathon.
It helped me to be stubborn and be persistent
with my Spanish because I was like
"Well yeah, I've paid for it so I've
just got to keep doing it. I've got to keep going, right?"
And that helped. Over time I became
more competent and so my confidence grew.
Now I still have a lot of work to do on my Spanish
but I've shown myself what's possible.
When it comes to setting goals for ourselves,
we tend to make them too big or difficult or complicated
and this is really detrimental or really bad for your
We need goals that we can get to. We need to feel
a little bit of success, you know, to help us
and you attempt to do something up here,
Well of course, your confidence is going to be shattered
at that point but if you attempt to do something here,
you're much more likely to succeed.
And then you prove to yourself
You're much more likely to come back
That time you'll be going for the next level
and this is how you build self-confidence.
Now this is something we really focus on inside
If you haven't heard me talk about it before this is
my online community that supports women
who are learning English as a Second Language.
My team and I prepare structured lessons
and conversation topics specifically
to help our members learn vocabulary,
practise the correct pronunciation
and useful grammar structures to help them
This helps them to feel more competent,
more able to participate in the conversations
because they know the language.
So naturally they're creating more and more
self-confidence to participate in group conversations
and their confidence keeps growing each time
Some of them even host group conversations
in English, something that they would never have
dreamt of when they first joined The Ladies' Project.
This is evidence of building confidence by building
competence. Any woman can become a more confident
English speaker by following our program
and participating in our conversations
And enrollments are just about to open.
as little as thirty-five dollars a month
so you can check it out here or follow the link
in the description to find out more.
Preparation is something that you've heard me
Being prepared helps you to feel in control
and more competent, more able to do
whatever it is you've been trying to do
whether that's speaking to a native English speaker
or presenting on stage or applying for a job,
whatever it is, when you prepare,
When it comes to speaking in English,
Most conversations start the same way.
When you meet new people, there are always just a
handful of topics that you talk about:
your job, the weather, where you're from.
It's totally possible to prepare for conversations
in this way and prepare well you know,
practise your answers out loud over and over again
until those words start coming out of you
without you even thinking about it.
You can also practise questions to ask in those
conversations as well and this is just as important
as having answers right? It helps you to be able to
Focusing on being fluent in these simple conversation
topics will help to give you more confidence
Preparation helps you to become more competent
so it helps you to build more confidence
If we're talking about self-confidence and building it,
we really need to talk about posture
So we're talking about the way that you sit,
the way that you give people your attention,
the expression on your face when you're talking to them,
all of these things are so powerful and it works
in two ways because it affects how you feel
and how others perceive you, what they think about you.
So I want you to try it with me now.
Slump your shoulders forward, hunch down.
Then lift your shoulders, pull them back,
look straight forward and most importantly,
curl up the corners of your mouth a little,
Can you notice how different you feel inside?
How much that affects your mood and the way that you
We have so much power to change our perspective,
to change the way that we think about ourselves.
We just need to get into the habit of doing it more
that's just about being aware, about noticing
when you're looking down or you're slumped in a chair
This alone does so much to create more self-confidence
in you and as an added bonus, it helps to make you
appear more confident to the others around you.
So our whole conversation has been around
and one of the best strategies that I've been using is
to keep a list of things that you've achieved,
and I keep it nearby every day.
And the reason is, we are so quick
We pay so much attention to our failures.
I don't know about you but I always have a to-do list
next to me. I'm constantly looking at it
reminding myself of all of the things
all the things that I haven't been able to achieve.
This just makes me feel bad and overwhelmed
so I found that keeping this extra list,
this second list of achievements helps me to see
and helps me to remember the progress
and I encourage you to do it too.
Every time you sit down to write out your list of things
that you need to do, take a peek at the other one,
the one that's full of your accomplishments
and full of inspiration to help you keep moving forward.
What I always try to remind myself is that
right now is just one moment in time.
The English speaker that you are right now
If you're committed to growth and development
then this moment is fleeting. It will be gone like that!
I guess what I really want you to
is that dwelling on the mistakes that you're making
is not going to help you but focusing on the new skills
and the new experiences that you're having
will help you to notice this change in yourself.
Notice that self-confidence as it's developing
and it's growing. Just be kinder to yourself.
Recognise that you've got to put in the time,
you've got to put in the hours to become competent
and that this will help you to build self-confidence
and ultimately become a more confident person,
a more confident English speaker.
It's not the easiest thing to do
but there are clear steps that you can take
Well I really hope that you enjoyed this little chat.
It means a lot to me if you give it a thumbs up
and even more if you share it with your friends and your
colleagues, especially those who really should hear
some of the things that we've been talking about today.