Careful, viewer! My spoiler sense is tingling!
Since 2002, we've had six movies, two reboots, and three Spider-Men
Now just when audiences might be getting a little sick of the franchise, Marvel swoops in to deliver a crowd-pleasing comedy
That's gonna keep Spider-Man in theaters until the fuckin Sun burns out of the sky.
Tobey Maguire couldn't keep it up, Andrew Garfield couldn't get it started
But Tom Holland hits the ground swinging in a great reboot that just assumes you're all caught up on the MCU.
Pretty sure this guy's a war criminal now.
but whatever. Complete with a glossed over origin story an
Actor who doesn't have premature old face and a villain who doesn't already have some forced personal connection to Peter- Pan Liz's dad
All right two out of three ain't bad
Witness a brand new take on spider-man. He's a millennial now who can't stay off his phone
Constantly blogs watches himself on YouTube and has zero patience for anything
He's got all of the usual spider skills plus a powerful new one never facing consequences for his actions
Whether he's getting away with ditching detention
Hey where you going? Get back here quitting on his team?
You can't just quit on a stroll up and be welcome back welcome back Peter
Shinsuke ours is bad. It's my car, dumbass
Wrecking a car wrecking a store
Wrecking a fairy or wrecking his girlfriend's entire life
You can be sure this web slinger will get off with no more than a stern talking-to
You're a good kid and you're a smart kid so just try to keep your head straight. Okay. Okay, don't get out here
Well the older I get the more I relate to Jay Jonah Jameson. These are matters for the entire city
You've seen him as Batman and Birdman
Now prepare for Michael Keaton's third winged creature role as the vulture. He's a blue-collar guy who gets shafted by Stark Industries
And instead of filing a lawsuit against a billionaire clearly in the wrong. He'll build a giant bird mech jetpack, huh?
You will be bored stiff when Vulture fights spider-man in bland CGI slugfests
But genuinely scared when he's just being Michael Keaton
Are you scared? I'l bet you're glad that your old pal spider-man showed up in the elevator though
Sorry Uncle Ben and Richard Parker
There's a new absentee dad in town Tony Stark Iron Man is back as the drunk rich stepfather
You'd expect him to be who will build you a killer robot suit?
Activating instant kill send you into battle at 15
Then literally phone in his parents aid until you screw up enough to get his attention. Okay. It's not working out
I'm gonna need the suit back really Tony
You just fought your best friend over keeping tabs on superheroes
And you just let your pet superhero run a muck is anyone paying attention to the timeline any more?
This is approaching x-men levels of Sloppy she sends Bishop back in time. No just his consciousness that's all into his younger self
So enjoy another super smash hit who's success was far from guaranteed with two competing studios spotting for control
Six different screenwriters and a director with just two low-budget indies to his name dang
It's like Sony finally cracked the code on how to make the spider verse happen let Marvel do the work
The disembodied voice of Jennifer Connelly
"you can call me Karen if you would like"
vulture or the unexpected virtue of casting Michael Keaton
The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler
Bold move putting a set piece in an elevator shaft spider-man can't catch a break with that
"beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice!"
"Darkness falls across the land the midnight hour is close at hand!"