Honest Trailers - The Hunger Games


NARRATOR: This summer, prepare for the poorly-directed

movie adaptation of the young adult phenomenon that isn’t about gay vampires. The Hunger

GamesIn a dystopian future, the rich dress like second-rate Lady Gagas in cities leftover

from Phantom Menace while the poor struggle for survival in unnecessary shaky camBut

can still somehow afford futuristic projection thingiesOne girl must choose - between

a short, boring, one-dimensional, worthless blonde guy and this much hotter dudeIn

a world where children are ripped from their families, and their parents seem oddly okay

with it, she will make the ultimate sacrifice.

KATNISS: I volunteer as tribute.

NARRATOR: And enter a life-or-death game where competitors

learn the deadly arts oflying in rafters, button pressing, playing with balls, and frosting


PEETA: I used to decorate the cakes down at the bakery.

NARRATOR: What the hell is this


NARRATOR: Seriously? That is [bleep]-ing ridiculous. A

girl that will enthrall a nation through her stupid face, cheap -looking CGI fire, and

completely emotionless delivery.

KATNISS: How do you find shelter? Listen to them. I

told her that I would try to win. How will they change you?

NARRATOR: A film that forces two actors with no chemistry

to awkwardly fall in loveWhich would have been far more believable if they would have

cast him as Peeta. I mean, I’m not gay, but I’d totally [bleep] Gale’s [bleep]. A

future so advanced they can conjure fire and monster dogs but not food for the poorThe

ultimate game of kill or be killed, except for these kids who don’t kill each other

for some reason. Who Katniss will outsmart by hiding in trees, falling from trees, sleeping

in trees and basically being around a lot of trees.  Not starring these important parts

from the book: Katniss' hearing loss, the avoxes, Peeta's amputation, political and

social satire, the subtle nuances explaining the relationships between the districts and

the capitalThe inner turmoil of Katniss as she struggles to love Peeta for the sake

of the cameras and the actual hungerSeriously they all look very well fedThe Hunger Games.

 It’s basically just a rip-off of Battle Royale. Tell us what movie you'd like to see

as an Honest Trailer and leave a comment with the word you'd like to hear me say next time

want in my awesome voice.  Indubitably. Me gusta. Derp. Frabbins. Tittie sprinkles. I'm

a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, and here is my spout.